there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
