I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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