I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
