pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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