Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love you.
Bad choice
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
