Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
