somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i would punch a child for taco bell
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
