Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
