When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
