just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
