Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
