Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize