Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
