Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
