pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
