Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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