so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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