I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
