we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
