jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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