get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
