I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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