im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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