he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
