dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
