wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
