wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
