she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
