This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
