If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
