If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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