after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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