Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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