Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
