if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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