It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
