she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
