Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
