is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
