She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
