Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
