Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
