I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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