I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
