you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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