It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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