I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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