I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
