Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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