I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Found your dick twin last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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