I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
