u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
