I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
