I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
