but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
