"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
