i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
