Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
