Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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