I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Acid is not a monday night drug
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
