I feel like abortions should bother me more
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
