Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
