I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
