In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
