also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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