As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
