If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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